I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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