stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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