oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
