And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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