in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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