If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
