I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
40s are totally the cure
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
