Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
