Define "chronic" masturbator.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
