Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
