I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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