She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
