What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
