I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
