She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
