i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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