My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
