please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will be naked everywhere
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
