Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
