after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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