remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
