I CAN MOONWALK!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
