SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So much rum. So many feels.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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