Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
