need another drink. this is the easiest way
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
