It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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