whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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