went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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