I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
