every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar