I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick