OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What changed your mind?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK