Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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