He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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