I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
