i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
