I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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