haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
