I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
