i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
