Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this will be a night to untag.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
