I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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