I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
