You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
