I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
