Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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