did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
