two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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