Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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