I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
