maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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