You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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