If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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