...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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