I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
