on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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