she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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