Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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