I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
