Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
