you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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