Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
