peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
