I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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