I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
