I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
