i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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