cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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