If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
