So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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