if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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