Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
