then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
