I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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