i permit you to call me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
