Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
