Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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