I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
