hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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