You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
