Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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