so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
