My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
