i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
