no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
