You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
