Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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